literally had 100 drinks last night.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
