did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Randomize
