he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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