If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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