If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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