She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
