Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Your penis caused this!
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