I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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