Three words: puerto rican gang bang
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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