Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
