You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
