Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
