I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
