So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
