Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
