yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
