Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
