you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
