the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
