Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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