what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
