just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
