I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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