dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
