I think I just saw someone hide a body.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Farmville is her only friend.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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