Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
