Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
