awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
