I want to make a zoo with you.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
