Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
