The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
