whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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