Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
