laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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