apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
