After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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