I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
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