Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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