why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
