I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
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