and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
This is the high leading the old right now
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
