Cold hands, warm shart.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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