The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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