eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Randomize
