all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
