You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
