ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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