So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
