No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
