mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
